I See You

I see you, the artificially blond girl, crossing the road and entering the shopping mall once again. You went to fetch your wallet from the car after exceeding your credit card limit. Your green car, the one you always complain about, parked in-between two spaces, I wonder what for. By now you are already in, as a whole new amazing world unfolds beneath your eyes and provokes you to consume, mercilessly, while you stare, bewildered, not knowing from where to begin.

Accelerated pace and breath as you approach your object of interest, feeling elated from the excessive shopping, carrying the bags so full of what you call useful staff, giving thanks to that wonderful invention called credit card. Then you wait in the line to pay, thoughts passing by, about a yellow jacket you’d like to buy, but you could not afford. What a shame, you reflect wistfully. Then your turn comes, you open your wallet and empty the last of its contents on the counter.

Got rid of your cash, you put your wallet back in your bag, which happens to resemble in a vast degree, the latest designer bag held by your favourite movie star. That is why you chose it after all, that is why you love it. Now you walk around, light as a feather with a bright smile on your face, perfect teeth shining, worth every penny you spend, on dentists and products. Being proud and satisfied you parade your way to the car, modelling your new possessions, for everyone to see and rejoice with you, only if they can afford it too.

People are starting to notice you, especially males ones. You love the attention and it shows. A playful flick in your hair and blue eyes signifying an invitation as your gaze meets mine. I stare into them; a second later I burst into a hideous laugh and walk away dismissively, while you stand there still, mouth hanging open. Obviously this is the first time this happens to you. You thought that no man would deny such “beauty” as yours. You are so used to rejecting men, but this time it happened the other way round, leaving you there, petrified at my sneer, hopelessly wondering if you‘ve done something wrong. Go figure, I’ve just given you something to ponder on.

However, I have to acknowledge that you were a powerful observation on human behaviour. Now, I move on and as I proceed to extensively realise that there are more, just like you. And I know exactly what you are thinking, I know what all of you are thinking. You are all prisoners of your own device, mere consumers, pitiful holograms of who you used to be and me a thief, a solitary stranger, a clown in a city of clones. It does not matter which city it is. To me it’s all the same, the people and the places they are made of.

Tragedy Of Irony

I have taken a look at my previous writings and poetry and I have come to the realisation that I tend to melodramatise the "events" described. This creates an emotional impact on the reader and this is a very strong aspect that makes someone's work "exceptional" as many readers would say.

As soon as I came that realisation, another one followed. I do not do this only in my writings, but also in my everyday life. So my writing reflects my state of mind. I can take a simple event that in my head as I perceive it, has a dramatic twist and all of a sudden I find myself being a character in a self manifested "tragedy". Just like a self-fulfilled prophesy.

I have noticed this pattern in many others too. Do we actually like our pain? Are we addicted to it? Everybody indulges in being a drama queen once in a while. We just love being in love with our sorrow. And then we enjoy the hard earned attention that makes us feel special. Building layers of deception upon deception, firstly fooling ourselves and then others too. Living our life in constant worry, anxiety and fear. Moving rapidly from one idea to another, letting our thoughts run in the backround without taking the nessesary time to examine them.

We tend to attract what we fear. Constant thoughts of it possess our minds until we project the fear itself into our lives. The fear is always about loss. Loss of possession, no matter what that might be. Why are we so possessive in every aspect of our lives? Is everything you own part of your identity, your definition? If that is the case then, that is why it is so hard to let go.

My Manifested Self Expression

Hello Reader, welcome to my mind. My name is Christina Christodoulou. Why do I have a name? Because all pictures within this world have names and we perceive ourselves as pictures within a picture. Because everything in this world is the manifested definition of what we accepted it to be.

I am 17 years old, but time is but an illusion as we all know. Time is only an illusion constructed by your mind so that your mind will have a way of measuring itself. Time is a rule that we have created and manifested upon our lives. We live and perceive our lives as a series of rules interlocked by our so called logic, which is constructed upon rules too.

Nobody stops to ask any questions about why we are conforming to the ideas of this world, people just conform, because if they don’t the world as they know it will fall apart and they are afraid to lose the picture within a picture that they have defined themselves and the world to be. They are afraid to lose the definition of themselves to embrace their real self. It is difficult for some to realise that they are not just that which they have accepted and allowed themselves to be. It is difficult for me too.

So what am I doing here dear reader? I am expressing myself as a consciousness system, that which I have allowed myself to define myself as it, resulting in me experiencing myself as it. A consciousness system is what each one of us experiences ourselves to be, because that is all we ever knew that we could be. We are pre-programmed to act accordingly to a certain action as we perceive it. We are systems as in we exist as knowledge and information, definitions, ideas, beliefs and perceptions that are formed and designed as yourself, as the who I am in the human physical body.

The way we perceive ourselves and others perceive us can change instantly by simply changing the way you think, changing thoughts. Changing programming. Being what you want to be. But guess what: If you can change, you are not real. Everything that is a limitation, everything that you cannot see as who you are, means that you are going to have to change. When you change, have a look at what happens. You become a new person. If that happens, isn’t it common sense then, that who you are now is not real? Why are you defending who you are now, what defines you now?

Everything is part of a visual program, I show you a picture and immediately you perceive definitions of each picture within the picture which you perceive to be facts. Never questioning anything. Too much thinking for you? Would you'd rather get more mechanical than manual? Maybe you are getting there... Maybe what I hate in you is what I hate in me. So let us apply forgiveness. I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I am superior to another being, meaning that my experiences are superior to theirs. I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe and define my self as my experiences.

Would you dare to even think of something which dares "your" perception of reality? I say "your" and not your because your perception is based on learned concepts and pre-programming from your social background. Your reality is not the same reality that another person experiences. We all exist in alternate realities of our own device instead of the real reality which is here and now. We experience our own delusions of what we believe to be our reality as we define it.

My job here though is not to tell you what I myself need to realise, it is to explore the construct of the consciousness system, the mind. The mind is a machine that generates experiences to show you how your nature looks. The mind generates thoughts and thoughts generate feelings. And then the mind generates your life. Your mind is your tutor, would you dare to disobey? I hope I will. You shall never be anything more than what the tutor teaches you or tells you. Can you become independent of your tutor? Because you yourself has set the limits to yourself within your own mind.

You are not the tree that grows. You are not the roots of the tree. You are the life in the tree that’s what Buddhists say. Their ultimate goal is to reach Nirvana. Nirvana simply means cessation. Cessation of passion, aggression and ignorance; the cessation of the struggle to prove our existence to the world, to survive. One doesn't have to struggle to survive after all. One has already survived. One is surviving now and the struggle was just an extra complication that one has added to one's life because one lost confidence in the way things are. One no longer needs to manipulate things as they are into things as one would like them to be. And by one I mean us, equal as one as all. Taking responsibility for all as one.

There is a Buddhist saying: suffering, realising your suffering, destroying your suffering and then reach enlightenment. Within this write I realise my suffering, the more I analyse it, the easier it is for me to destroy it. I analyse and I realise my mind. I am writing myself to freedom and this is just the beginning.